Sunday, July 8, 2012

Things That Make You Go, "Oh Hell No"!

You know, it is always so important that in our daily lives, we stay positive, upbeat and focused on happiness.  Sometimes, we need to even make a conscious effort to do so by affirming to ourselves that we are happy and that life is indeed, good.  But every now and then, some small thing happens in the course of the day to attempt to throw us into that abyss of negativity that snowballs into an all out bad day (in reality, there is no such thing.  It's just how we see it).  Now often times, these things are so trivial and unbelievably funny when we look back at them, but as creatures of habit, we do not necessarily like abrupt change.  Here's a few funny "Oh hell no!" moment I want to share with you:

You go to the drive thru at any fried chicken chain and order a two piece specifically asking for and having paid for, a "wing and a breast".  You get home, open the box and you have a, "leg and a thigh".  OH HELL NO!

You are on a diet and have been eating rabbit food for weeks now, working out and passing on desserts.  The last time you were on the scale you were, 189 lbs.  You are excited after all these weeks of sacrifice and  finally decide to get on the scale to see how much weight you've lost.  You step on the scale and watch the dial as it teeters back and forth from 168 to 215 pounds but eventually stopping at 191 lbs.  OH HELL NO!

You and all of your friends have purchased airline tickets and made accommodations in New Orleans for Bayou Classic months in advance just as you have for the past 18 years. On the first week in November, you manager calls you into his/ her office and gives the following announcement: "I know you have worked hard all year but you realize that we are understaffed and because of that, we are all required to work from that Friday through that Monday after Thanksgiving this year and it is mandatory."  OH HELL NO!

You decide to put off paying the your utility bill for a week or so and use that money to invite some friends over for a small get together with spades, food, drinking, etc.  On that hot Saturday afternoon, all of your guests have arrived, you are frying fish, pouring drinks and a good time is being had by all.  Two hours into the gathering, all power to your house goes out.  "Somebody must have ran into a telephone pole or it could have been a transformer.  They blow all the time around here" you keep saying to everyone.  Your cousin walks in late and asks why is your house so dark and you give her the transformer story.  She replied, "Well all of your neighbors have lights."  OH HELL NO!

Your friend has a small dog and asks you to keep him for a few days while he goes out of town.  He brags about how well behaved and hose broken, "Friskie" is.  Friskie does appear to be a good, sweet dog and even sleeps at the foot of your bed later that night.  Things have gone so well that you decide to leave him out of his kennel the next morning while you go to work.  Returning home that evening, you are real excited walking in the door because you assume Friskie is going to greet you with that level of happiness that only mans best friend can deliver.  However, Friskie is nowhere to be found. What you do find is that Friskie has torn up every magazine and book on your coffee table, bit holes in your sofa, destroyed the sofa pillows, dug the one plant out of its pot you did have and took a dump in the middle of your bed.  Two hours later Friskie cautiously emerges from the very bed you have been trying to clean since you got home and growling at you.  OH HELL NO!

You make an attempt at online dating and eventually meet this guy or girl, that by looking at his/ her pictures and their conversation, in your mind, you are already walking down the aisle.  You say to yourself, "This is the one".  Weeks go by and the conversations become more exciting and more intense so you finally decide to meet for a first date.  You want to play it safe, so you opt to meet at the bar in a popular restaurant.  You are there waiting at the bar when you get a phone call asking, "I am inside, where are you".  You reply by saying that you are sitting at the bar and turn around looking...looking...looking when you realize that the one person in the entire restaurant you are hoping and praying could not possibly be your date, is indeed your date and that those pictures you have been seeing, were from 2003.  OH HELL NO!

You keep getting calls from an unfamiliar number and after weeks you finally decide to answer it since whoever it is calling have no messages.  When you say hello the person on the other end address you by your first name and you confirm who you are.  The call suddenly takes a turn when you realize that it is the rudest bill collector on the planet.  You explain to this person that you do not have the money at this time to pay the debt and ask if they can call you next month.  You are given a barrage of suggestions on where you should get the money and then asked to go as far a pawning your television set they he can see by your credit report you recently purchased using your Best Buy credit card.  You ask the debt collector, if he/ she is crazy and he responds, "No, but you must be to pay 24.9% interest for a $499 television that you will have paid $3025 for at the end of your term.  This is what happens when you have bad credit.  Now do you want to start repairing it today by paying what you owe us"?  OH HELL NO!

What's your, OH HELL NO moment?


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